I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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