So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
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I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
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Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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