I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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