forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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