Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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