TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize