Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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