I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
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My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
50% drunk capacity currently
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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