You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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