Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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