The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
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I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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