she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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