Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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