I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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