Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize