I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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