This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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