tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize