hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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