so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
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I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
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So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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