I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we made out on top of his cat.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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