Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
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I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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