Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she looked like the before picture.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
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I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
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I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
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