I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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