The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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