do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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