just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize