How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think my cat just said my name.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize