Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
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Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
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I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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