we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
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Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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