I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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