I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
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My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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