i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
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I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
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I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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