Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
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Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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