i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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