Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
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In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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