why didn't you poke me back
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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