I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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