He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
that is very illegal...i love you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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