if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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