kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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