No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
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To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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