2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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