She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
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Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
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In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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