remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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