So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
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Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
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Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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