I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
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You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
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what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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