i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
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I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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