Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize