ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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